Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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