Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
