just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize