I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
