Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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