he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize