Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
