She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
