a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
