i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize