I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
