That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
