wakey wakey hands off snakey
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
