Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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