so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
