Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
