This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
