it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
