this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So apparently I’m into choking now
His nipple licking is glorious
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