she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize
