a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
