I want to walk on stilts...naked
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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