I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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