I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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