true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
