He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
