i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Last time i carry you out of a forest
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
