Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
