I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
