I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
