I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize