i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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