Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
