i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
