somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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