His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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