how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
