Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize