there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
