You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
