i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
