My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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