I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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