Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
