ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
