He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
