i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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