I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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