I have demons in me.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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