Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize