It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
