Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
