Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
