I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
