If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
