I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
