so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
