so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
