I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
