We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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