Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
