im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
