Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My ass is underappreciated
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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