I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
