oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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