like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
