You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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