a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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