i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
