***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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