So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Randomize
