They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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