Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
