it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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